Rules of Conduct Governing Alcohol

 Never drink brown liquor before five

Never pick the most expensive bottle of wine nor the least

Frozen drinks are only for vacation and only before 4

If you have to swap more than one ingredient, order something else

If you can’t pronounce, try it. But always commit, never send it back

If you have to ask, you can’t afford it

You don’t get hangovers from certain drinks or from mixing types of alcohol. You get hangovers from drinking too much. Only a schmo blames booze for doing its job.

Vodka tonics are a waste, vodka soda is for diets.

Rum and coke is the soul of Spring Break. Being on Spring Break all the time ruins the magic of it.

Have a go-to drink. Make it simple and universally deliverable- if you make the bartender wait more than 10 seconds for your order, order the go-to  (or say dealer’s choice and accept whatever they give you).

Liquors all have a different soul. The “best” drink is the one that matches that soul to the current milieu. (Except vodka, which has no soul)

     Bourbon is for breakups

     Tequila is for forgetting

     Scotch is for remembering

     Rum is for parties and having fun

     Gin is for taking a moment

     White Wine is for relaxing

     Red Wine is for food (or exploring)

A great cocktail has at least 3, but not more than 5 ingredients.

     Anything more and you are trying too hard (or making Sangria)

     Anything less and you aren’t trying hard enough

Cocktails are like fashion – the classics never go out of style.

Where possible, drink craft beer made locally – it is always better than Domestic

     There is absolutely nothing wrong with Domestic

Beers are like politics – everyone has their own opinions and it is best not to argue them

A true wine lover has no favorite wine. Anyone that says they have a favorite wine doesn’t understand wine